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beauty42
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xx please any advice!
« Thread started on: Aug 9th, 2013, 11:29pm »

I have/had a friend who i've been friends with for YEARS and he recently lost two loved ones. One loved one was an elderly person, who my friend was close to and the other was a sibling who was murdered.
This all happened about 4-5 months ago, and our friendship turned for the worst! The worst it's ever been EVER! we did not have problems with each other at all, but after his losses, he just stopped talking to me, I kept trying to get answers as to why things were changing and what exactly was going on, but no real luck.

He would talk to me but not really (if that makes sense). I eventually thought he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and it hurt so bad because...

1. He has ALWAYS talked to me and been open about anything

2. Nothing happened between us, he just flipped on me after his losses

I eventually thought maybe to just tell him if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore to NOT respond to the message, he did respond but still not saying much...2 weeks later he initiated contact but it was very short and casual.

We haven't spoken since and that's been 2 months ago I have to say we are friends but have also liked each other over the years but because of other relationships we've always kept it at a friendship with no problem.

This past year has been different from the other years with him breaking up with his gf and wanting to date me...& that's where we were before all this happened, they were broken up and we were talking more seriously...after his losses, that changed he immediately got back involved with her.

now, i really am ok with that...i miss my friend, the friend i've had since I was a kid, who I've never had any issue with even CLOSE to this before! but I just thought i'd throw that info in there because I want to be completely honest about the situation

although he in not dead, i feel like i've lost a friend and it wasn't even because of anything that went wrong between us...it makes me grieve like he's dead sadly

please any advice? thanks!
cry
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Nullpointer89
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xx Re: please any advice!
« Reply #1 on: Aug 10th, 2013, 03:23am »

There's not much a person can really suggest to that. You would know him much, much better than any of us. People tend to push people away when they need them the most. Or he could need some space. What would he have thought if he read this? Maybe just tell him you miss him. Or suggest hanging sometime. Ask if he's ok to talk about or not.

Death's like that can really change a person.
Also initiated a relationship with person can be a one way street and, you just can't go back from thinking about someone romantically.
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redmay10
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xx Re: please any advice!
« Reply #2 on: Feb 10th, 2014, 1:54pm »

This is a sensitive situation. You really can't be too pushy but he needs to know that you are there still. You may need to take a step away from him for a bit. Give him a bit of time to catch his breath. However, keep a close eye on him. Grief can cause people to make not so great choices. I am not saying he will but from psychological standpoint as well as personal experience, it happens more often than not.

So stay far enough a way to let him breathe but close enough to catch him if he falls.

He will come back sooner or later. Do subtle things to let him know your on his side.
When my friends lost someone close I would get a movie (something light, a classic) go to their house with only about half hour warning. I would walk in, show him the movie and say "movie night". I wouldn't force him to talk to you. Just BE there.
Best wishes and I am my condolences. He may be hurting more but you are hurting too. That's how it is with friends. You share everything. Even pain.
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blondechick22
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xx Re: please any advice!
« Reply #3 on: Jul 18th, 2015, 02:56am »

He just lost 2 loved ones, so his reaction is quiet normal. I would be there for him but I would let him "breathe". From time to time I would send him a card or home cooked meal with a note: "hey, I am here if you need me" or just send him text message. People change a lot when they loose their loved ones and they push away other people in this situation is acceptable. Give him time to grieve because he still needs you but now he is just sad and hurt. It happened to me, I was that person who pushed away my friends and family when someone I cared a lot died. Don't break a friendship because of him not talking to you. I am sure he will come around when he is ready!
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