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StrangeValleys
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xx 24-Year-Old Considering Divorce
« Thread started on: Jan 31st, 2016, 7:42pm »

First off, I love my wife and she doesn't know that I'm considering this. With her current class load, I don't think she can function with it on her mind. Now, our relationship has been pretty good, and even is now, but that will change if something isn't done. Our relationship is good right now, and I'm going to be taking her on dates and that sort of thing, not because I'm trying to keep her, but because I want to enjoy the last of our time together.


So why am I considering separating?

My wife wants to go on a haunted trip that's she's wanted to go on for a while. She's from California and so are her friends. Problem is, the four single friends that's she's going with have pretty much turned the plans into a romp with male strippers and I heard talks about condom use and that sort of thing. She of course said she was "the married one" and wouldn't taking part in anything, but I know how girlfriends are. I confronted her about it, and she was pretty good at debating and making it sound like I'm crazy (she's been a debate team captain), and even starting saying things about the male stripper end like "Well, you go to the gym a lot and have 50% chance of hooking up with someone based on statistics." She's also downplaying things and giving me inconsistent details. Now, I don't think she believes she'll misbehave enough to justify a divorce and I don't think her intentions are as bad as they might seem based on the situation, as her threshold is higher than most women's; however, even if she completely behaves, the statement is completely disrespectful to me, and I won't tolerate it. Furthermore I can't allow anyone to treat me like that, even if it is out a naivety. Her friends seem to be looking for excuses to leave me out of it. One of which, tried to get her to break up with me before our marriage and would flirt with me whenever my wife was around (and sometimes aggressively when she wasn't), to the point where it's pissed off my wife before. I told her that she wasn't going on the trip in a firm, but reasonably voice and did not yell. After which she said that I was abusive and should apologize. I did not raise my voice or yell, as I seldom yell.
I'm not without a history of close-call situations where a social river has pulled me toward cheating, but I didn't seek out those situations and I handled them well. I've also rejected dates with women that I had feelings for. I also left my social circle once we lived together and was only going to parties because I only was in the same state with her 3 months out of the year until we got married and would pretty much would just work and go to school if I didn't go party before she came. My wife has given me the grace to rebuild social party circles of peers, but I never felt comfortable with doing it while married.

I have months to respond and figure out what to do and what seeds to sow in the meantime.



She is also far more attracted to me than I am her, but I still love her on a strong emotional level and when I cuddle with her, I feel like our hearts conjoin. She's easy to sexually satisfy if she's not anxious or tired, or feels pain due to her medical conditions. However, I think she might know on some level that I've been bored of her for while, and I knew I would be, but our bond was more important to me than my sexual excitement. I have an amazing ability to give things up, including sex and junk food (I'm a huge health nut with a light six-pack).
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jjwinkle
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xx Re: 24-Year-Old Considering Divorce
« Reply #1 on: Feb 20th, 2016, 8:21pm »

You have to divorce yourself from the very idea of a romantic-sexual relationship to be 100% free of the possibility of being betrayed by a partner. It could happen with anyone. However, you happen to be with someone who is giving signals that that is quite unlikely. You will be worse off if you try to start over with someone you don't have such indications about.

So the choices are whether to be celibate and single, to be in a relationship meant to be exclusive (but with no 100% guarantee) or to be in affairs with no exclusivity at all.
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