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I hate my current situation and need some help.
Post by ermase on Jan 7th, 2012, 1:10pm

I am a 27 year-old female and unfortunately, due to some poor life choices I've made, continue to live at home with my parents. About half a year ago, my parents and I had an altercation over my bedroom furniture. I found out, much to my shock, that they had no intention of letting me take my bedroom furniture with me when I moved out. I asked them if I offered to pay for it, would they then let me take. I was absolutely flabbergasted when they said no. Trying to wrap my head around their logic, I asked them to at least give me one valid reason for doing this. They had no response to my question. Their choice was extremely perplexing to me, especially since they also plan to hold on to my sister's furniture. Why do they feel they need two extra sets of bedroom furniture? Ever since this issue arose, the relationship I have with my folks has been strained. My father, over the years, has become a very controlling man, acting childishly and becoming extremely angry any time things don't go his way or someone questions him. He is extremely stubborn and refuses to see other people's point of view. I feel as if I have no control over my life.

This isn't the only problem. A couple years ago, a friendship I had maintained for about ten years went sour in a very ugly way. After a screaming match, I realized the ugly person my friend was turning me into and decided to end the friendship. Ever since then, I find it very hard to hold onto and maintain a friendship. Practically all of my friends are gone. I realized that I would find any kind of fault I could in a friend and then use that as an excuse to push them away. I would hold them up to high standards and then become terribly hurt or disappointed when they didn't meet up. I feel as if I've isolated myself.

I know I need counseling for all of these problems. Unfortunately, I only work part-time and most of my money is going toward my college education so I can't afford it. Is there anything you can suggest I try to help and make this situation better for myself? My stress and general unhappiness is getting worse and worse.

Thank you for your help.
Re: I hate my current situation and need some help
Post by TheMeddler on Jan 9th, 2012, 12:06am

My parents and I, aren't all that close. I'm not sure how it is with your parents, but how much does this matter? You live with them, they allow you to. I guess that's nice enough. I wouldn't worry about furniture, and I wouldn't try to find their logic. Though I agree with you that it doesn't make any sense, maybe you should just forget about it and move on.

I disagree about your control on your life. Your life is the only thing in the world that you really do have any control over. But maybe that's why it seems like you don't. Our lives, when compared to the rest of the world, are really rather small. So we don't have that much control to begin with.

As for friends.. Nobody's perfect. But I feel like friends can be a big influence on your life. I can't blame you for being overcautious about who you allow to remain in your company. I know what it's like not to have any friends. Not much fun. My only advice is to maybe find someone you used to enjoy spending time with, and try to reconnect with them.

Don't know if this helped at all, but I guess it's something.

Re: I hate my current situation and need some help
Post by Pamphilos on Jan 9th, 2012, 09:40am

I agree with TheMeddler. Most things in life you just cannot change or control. They will happen and there is nothing you can do about it. The only one thing you can control is your choices and actions. In those times, continuing and progressing YOUR life, and practicing patience should be your choices.

One of the biggest mistakes people make in life is to ask 'why' with the intent to change what they don't understand. There's a famous quote that says,

''If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it.'' [paraphrased]. So since you cannot directly change anything in this world, what really changes? You. Your thought process. What YOU do about it. Ergo, YOU change and nothing else. Or adapt, if you prefer that terminology.

So only ask 'why' for better understanding and insight. This understanding/insight, of course, may influence a choice you yourself make but it will not change anything outside of you.

On the other hand, some things in life you will NEVER understand no matter how hard you try. Choose your battles wisely. In these predicaments, ask yourself one question; does [this] really hold significance to my future? Does [this] really matter in the larger scheme of things? The answer will usually be 'No' unless one has found a high self-balance that they have not succumbed to the habit of choosing poor battles to fight on a daily basis. Those are rare people.

Your parents choices don't make sense to you and/or they don't have an answer for you; cease trying to figure it out. You don't have to like their ways but their ways are THEIR ways. Good rule of thumb: after short negotiation, If they don't budge, you don't beg.

You don't like how they [control] your life? Don't live under their roof (it does not matter your age). And that goes for anything in life. If you don't like how someone does something? Do be a part of it. Separate yourself. Don't think you can separate yourself? Persevere and have patience until you can. That is all there is to it.

Don't stress about it. And don't say you can't help stressing - your just asking for more problems. If you can't help stressing yourself out for things you can't change? You're going to have a dreadful life. Focus more on things that are lights to your path. They may be flood lamps which are amazingly bright but can also blind you. They may be fireflies but they're still there regardless. Use what you have, make due, focus on your plans, your future, your desires and keep your eye on the summit and nothing will control you again.

As far as friendships? They come and go. You lose one, so make one. Or two. Or seven. Its your call.

My apologies, I think my exerpt sounds a little on the negative, commanding side. I didn't mean it to. But what does it matter right? Take what you need and leave the rest.

Good luck
Re: I hate my current situation and need some help
Post by freelancerlynne on Jan 31st, 2012, 02:40am

Why forcing yourself to leave the house if you don't have enough money. Your parents are not asking you to leave maybe, their acts is their way to show you that they don't want you to leave. Try to understand them, focus on your study and get a good job after graduation. smiley
Re: I hate my current situation and need some help
Post by kentran on Sep 21st, 2017, 9:40pm

Whyhuh Why do you decide so?? Think a little bit more, if you go out to independent living and experience life, I support your decision. If just for anger, think again.